I just returned three days ago from a month-long journey through Himachal Pradesh in northern India. Under the auspices of the Himalayan Health Exchange, I was among a group of 40 medical students, residents, physicians, and support staff who traveled to various remote villages to set up medical camps for the locals. After my first year of medical school I lived and worked with my aunt who is a practicing OB/Gyn in a small community hospital in Bangalore, India.
This experience was nothing like what I did in 2004.
Aside from the fact that I now have four years of medical school behind me with plenty of clinical experience, I have grown and changed so much that my perception of things is completely different now than it was four years ago. Among other things, I have cultivated a real sense of independence and self-sufficiency which I dearly lacked when I started medical school. Part of this is related to inexperience with the ways of the world which led me into many unhealthy relationships, both romantic and platonic. Only after making those mistakes could I really look at who I was and who I wanted to become. At that point, I realized that the unhealthiest relationship of all was the one I had with myself. Thus I embarked on a journey to rebuild everything from the ground up. Psychiatry played a big part in that journey, revealing diagnoses of generalized anxiety disorder and seasonal affective disorder. Once I was undergoing effective treatment for the biological aspects of my poor mental and emotional health, I could focus on the spiritual aspects of my quest.
The most difficult hurdle in the path to self-discovery are the bright lights and ringing noises of the people around you. When everyone you identify with starts making decisions about their lives that don't make sense for your life, a true identity crisis sets in. So many people get engaged and married as the end of medical school approaches, and as much as I know I am nowhere near making that sort of a sacrifice and commitment to another person, it did throw my goals into doubt. Finding kindred spirits helped to overcome those doubts, but it was the more arduous task of constantly reminding myself that I was responsible for my own happiness which really shaped who I am today.
What does all of this have to do with India?
India is an unforgiving, starkly beautiful place which strips away the trappings of Western life and forces the visitor to face what is revealed. Because of this, I was able to examine myself and realize that I have made great progress on my quest for self-definition. The journey will go on for a lifetime and I am looking ahead to whatever the future holds.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Mish-mash of mullings
For some reason, the untimely death of Heath Ledger disturbed me to the core. Perhaps it is because he is the epitome of the young, handsome Hollywood talent with so much potential who has very serious turmoil underneath the surface, or perhaps it is because there was something easy and familiar about him that made me feel like he was a friend. Death has been something I have taken a long time to grasp, and even though I've come closer to accepting certain truths, every now and then my foundation is tested.
While we're on a depressing subject, I'd just like to openly state that if Hillary Clinton wins the Democratic nomination, I will cry. I will also henceforth refer to her campaign as "Billary" for self-evident reasons.
On a perkier note, I am just four months away from earning my medical degree! Truth be told, it feels a bit anticlimactic. This journey began for me when I was a wee lass just discovering the untold depths of science. There have been countless sacrifices, tests of mental and physical stamina, triumphs, failures, doubts (plenty of doubts), and seemingly insurmountable obstacles which I have survived. For it all to culminate in an afternoon of keynote speakers, sentimental presentations, and marching across a stage in a funny hat just seems so... unimpressive. I guess the real thrill will come the first time I can sign my name with my fresh new title :-)
In other news, I have created a sister blog, if you will, called Beauty/Truth that will feature product reviews, opinions, and experiences from years of perfecting my approach to skincare and makeup. Whether that sort of thing appeals to you or not, I hope you'll find something interesting among my posts!
While we're on a depressing subject, I'd just like to openly state that if Hillary Clinton wins the Democratic nomination, I will cry. I will also henceforth refer to her campaign as "Billary" for self-evident reasons.
On a perkier note, I am just four months away from earning my medical degree! Truth be told, it feels a bit anticlimactic. This journey began for me when I was a wee lass just discovering the untold depths of science. There have been countless sacrifices, tests of mental and physical stamina, triumphs, failures, doubts (plenty of doubts), and seemingly insurmountable obstacles which I have survived. For it all to culminate in an afternoon of keynote speakers, sentimental presentations, and marching across a stage in a funny hat just seems so... unimpressive. I guess the real thrill will come the first time I can sign my name with my fresh new title :-)
In other news, I have created a sister blog, if you will, called Beauty/Truth that will feature product reviews, opinions, and experiences from years of perfecting my approach to skincare and makeup. Whether that sort of thing appeals to you or not, I hope you'll find something interesting among my posts!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
Yes, I am alive
I've been meaning to post something, considering it's been over a month since my last post, but I never seemed to find the time to do it properly. And I would want to publish a proper post full of juicy news instead of a piddly little placeholder post. That last sentence was far more alliterative than I intended.
Anyway, I am back in Boston now, not doing any clinical rotations at the moment. It's nice to have so much downtime, somewhat reminiscent of the luxurious month-long winter breaks in college, and to be able to sleep in and engage in mindless activities. Lest you should be under the impression that I'm slacking off, I have undertaken the sizeable task of a major clean-up of my room at home. I realized that I had a lot of clothes, books, and random odds and ends collected over many years ever since I left for college, basically. And considering that I moved seven times in the four and a half years since graduating from high school, it's no surprise that a whole lot of junk had accumulated which I had no time to sift through. So, capitalizing on this rare event of having an extended amount of time entirely at my disposal, I decided to carpe diem. Thus, I generated several large bags of clothes and books to donate (just in time for the holidays! I'm such a good doobie), as well as many bags of pure garbage. The entire project is about 80% complete, the remainder consisting mainly of adequately storing my summer wardrobe and organizing my make-up and jewelry, the latter being a lot harder than it sounds when you're a make-up and jewelry junkie such as myself.
Now that I've bored you to tears with that, I can share more interesting updates which will remind you why you even bother reading this blog to begin with. The main focus of my life at the moment, besides the thrilling project described in excruciating detail above, is interviewing at residency programs. Foolishly, I was anticipating this ordeal as "fun," an opportunity to "travel," "meet people," and "visualize my future." I'm sure you can surmise from the exaggerated use of quotation marks that my naïveté was indeed just that. Not that it hasn't had its moments. It has been fun and informative to meet my future colleagues and to reaffirm why obstetrics-gynecology is the only specialty I can imagine pursuing. I am more glad than ever that I took a year off because I know I needed those extra 12 months to really feel ready to become a physician. It still freaks me out, but not to the point of wanting to run and hide in my mother's bed.
Those are the highlights of late. Theoretically, I should post more regularly now with all this free time on my hands. Now if only I could tear myself away from A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila ...
Anyway, I am back in Boston now, not doing any clinical rotations at the moment. It's nice to have so much downtime, somewhat reminiscent of the luxurious month-long winter breaks in college, and to be able to sleep in and engage in mindless activities. Lest you should be under the impression that I'm slacking off, I have undertaken the sizeable task of a major clean-up of my room at home. I realized that I had a lot of clothes, books, and random odds and ends collected over many years ever since I left for college, basically. And considering that I moved seven times in the four and a half years since graduating from high school, it's no surprise that a whole lot of junk had accumulated which I had no time to sift through. So, capitalizing on this rare event of having an extended amount of time entirely at my disposal, I decided to carpe diem. Thus, I generated several large bags of clothes and books to donate (just in time for the holidays! I'm such a good doobie), as well as many bags of pure garbage. The entire project is about 80% complete, the remainder consisting mainly of adequately storing my summer wardrobe and organizing my make-up and jewelry, the latter being a lot harder than it sounds when you're a make-up and jewelry junkie such as myself.
Now that I've bored you to tears with that, I can share more interesting updates which will remind you why you even bother reading this blog to begin with. The main focus of my life at the moment, besides the thrilling project described in excruciating detail above, is interviewing at residency programs. Foolishly, I was anticipating this ordeal as "fun," an opportunity to "travel," "meet people," and "visualize my future." I'm sure you can surmise from the exaggerated use of quotation marks that my naïveté was indeed just that. Not that it hasn't had its moments. It has been fun and informative to meet my future colleagues and to reaffirm why obstetrics-gynecology is the only specialty I can imagine pursuing. I am more glad than ever that I took a year off because I know I needed those extra 12 months to really feel ready to become a physician. It still freaks me out, but not to the point of wanting to run and hide in my mother's bed.
Those are the highlights of late. Theoretically, I should post more regularly now with all this free time on my hands. Now if only I could tear myself away from A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila ...
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
I'm not really a doctor. I just play one on TV.
Having given a fair amount of thought to the way doctors, hospitals, and the general practice of medicine are portrayed on various popular TV shows, I thought I'd share my assessment. I've listed only the shows of which I have watched enough episodes to formulate an opinion, so any omissions are reflective either of my busy schedule away from the couch or an utter lack of desire to subject myself to broadcast garbage.
ER *** The first, the classic, the one that heralded the era of medical dramas! I have to say the show was strongest in the first three seasons and began to falter once George Clooney left. And I'm not just saying that because he's a hunk of burnin' love. He added a real depth to the show as a multidimensional character - a soft-hearted pediatrician dedicated to his patients and a bad boy who womanizes and breaks hearts - which is often hard to find. His friendship with Anthony Edwards' character was also a real highlight of the show. I wasn't a huge fan of his ongoing angsty entanglement with Julianna Margulies, mostly because it played up the stereotype of the doctor-nurse soapy romance. In terms of the show overall, however, there were definite medical inaccuracies, both in the science and the practice of medicine. I understand that reality is fairly dull, but I would have enjoyed the show more if it was a little bit more factually sound. I also have to say I was a big fan of Dr. Romano and the episode in which he is killed by a plummeting helicopter was the end of my failing patience with the show.
Scrubs ***** Easily my favorite medical show for many reasons. I have found it to be the most realistic portrayal of actual medicine on TV in the types of patients and treatments they depict. The relationships among the physicians and nurses are of course peppered with a healthy dose of scripted humor, but I will say that the characters are universal - the cocky but good-hearted attending, bossy protective nurses, and each of the residents remind me of someone I have worked with. The humor in the relationship between Dr. Cox and J.D. is one of the best developed. When I've had an especially difficult day in the hospital, there's no better way to lift my spirits than to watch Scrubs.
Grey's Anatomy ** Eh. I like the first season, mostly because the trashy love triangles and interpersonal angst was fresh and engrossing. And McDreamy really is, well, dreamy. But by the end of the season, I was frustrated by the lack of evolution in their relationship, and by the fact that every single heterosexual male who interacts with Meredith Grey can't help but come on to her. First of all, she's not hot. She's also not blonde, which for some reason the show's writers seem to be convinced she is. (You want a hot blonde doctor who is much more deserving of amorous attention? Katherine Heigl. Hello.) I also got increasingly irritated by Meredith's vapid monologues which, when you really listen, don't say much of anything. Example: Sometimes things seem to be going well. And then you realize they aren't. But you go on. Because maybe things will change. Thanks for that staggering insight, Dr. Grey. Now I see why everyone wants to hump you. And, lest we forget, aside from all this excruciating sexual drama, the medicine on the show isn't even accurate or interesting! The only thing that is worth all the hype is Sandra Oh. She rocks. And Katherine Heigl, as previously mentioned. Interesting how they are the only two actors on the show to have garnered awards...
House ***** Rapidly climbing the ranks to join Scrubs as my favorite shows, I just started watching the first season on DVD and I'm hooked. Loaded with multidimensional characters, not the least of which is Dr. House himself, this show is smart and doesn't assume its viewers are any less. Granted, the medicine is far-fetched, but that's kind of the premise of the show to begin with. And it's well-researched and 100% accurate. There is a fair dose of interpersonal drama but it's all believable and not over-acted. It's also not in any way the focus, either of the show or of any individual episode, making it beautifully subtle and immensely captivating. Speaking of which, I would be lying if I didn't admit that Hugh Laurie's I'm-a-sexy-asshole-and-I-know-it shtick is pretty alluring. He is also incredibly quotable and I wish that it would be appropriate to use House-isms in the real hospital.
Well, there you have it: my personal take as someone "on the inside." I know that I'm biased because I'm one of those people who criticizes these shows for being unrealistic and I realize that they aren't meant to be educational. That's why they have The Learning Channel. :-)
ER *** The first, the classic, the one that heralded the era of medical dramas! I have to say the show was strongest in the first three seasons and began to falter once George Clooney left. And I'm not just saying that because he's a hunk of burnin' love. He added a real depth to the show as a multidimensional character - a soft-hearted pediatrician dedicated to his patients and a bad boy who womanizes and breaks hearts - which is often hard to find. His friendship with Anthony Edwards' character was also a real highlight of the show. I wasn't a huge fan of his ongoing angsty entanglement with Julianna Margulies, mostly because it played up the stereotype of the doctor-nurse soapy romance. In terms of the show overall, however, there were definite medical inaccuracies, both in the science and the practice of medicine. I understand that reality is fairly dull, but I would have enjoyed the show more if it was a little bit more factually sound. I also have to say I was a big fan of Dr. Romano and the episode in which he is killed by a plummeting helicopter was the end of my failing patience with the show.
Scrubs ***** Easily my favorite medical show for many reasons. I have found it to be the most realistic portrayal of actual medicine on TV in the types of patients and treatments they depict. The relationships among the physicians and nurses are of course peppered with a healthy dose of scripted humor, but I will say that the characters are universal - the cocky but good-hearted attending, bossy protective nurses, and each of the residents remind me of someone I have worked with. The humor in the relationship between Dr. Cox and J.D. is one of the best developed. When I've had an especially difficult day in the hospital, there's no better way to lift my spirits than to watch Scrubs.
Grey's Anatomy ** Eh. I like the first season, mostly because the trashy love triangles and interpersonal angst was fresh and engrossing. And McDreamy really is, well, dreamy. But by the end of the season, I was frustrated by the lack of evolution in their relationship, and by the fact that every single heterosexual male who interacts with Meredith Grey can't help but come on to her. First of all, she's not hot. She's also not blonde, which for some reason the show's writers seem to be convinced she is. (You want a hot blonde doctor who is much more deserving of amorous attention? Katherine Heigl. Hello.) I also got increasingly irritated by Meredith's vapid monologues which, when you really listen, don't say much of anything. Example: Sometimes things seem to be going well. And then you realize they aren't. But you go on. Because maybe things will change. Thanks for that staggering insight, Dr. Grey. Now I see why everyone wants to hump you. And, lest we forget, aside from all this excruciating sexual drama, the medicine on the show isn't even accurate or interesting! The only thing that is worth all the hype is Sandra Oh. She rocks. And Katherine Heigl, as previously mentioned. Interesting how they are the only two actors on the show to have garnered awards...
House ***** Rapidly climbing the ranks to join Scrubs as my favorite shows, I just started watching the first season on DVD and I'm hooked. Loaded with multidimensional characters, not the least of which is Dr. House himself, this show is smart and doesn't assume its viewers are any less. Granted, the medicine is far-fetched, but that's kind of the premise of the show to begin with. And it's well-researched and 100% accurate. There is a fair dose of interpersonal drama but it's all believable and not over-acted. It's also not in any way the focus, either of the show or of any individual episode, making it beautifully subtle and immensely captivating. Speaking of which, I would be lying if I didn't admit that Hugh Laurie's I'm-a-sexy-asshole-and-I-know-it shtick is pretty alluring. He is also incredibly quotable and I wish that it would be appropriate to use House-isms in the real hospital.
Well, there you have it: my personal take as someone "on the inside." I know that I'm biased because I'm one of those people who criticizes these shows for being unrealistic and I realize that they aren't meant to be educational. That's why they have The Learning Channel. :-)
Monday, September 24, 2007
A bite out of the Big Apple
Hello dear readers! I apologize for the lengthy hiatus and I hope that there are still some of you out there checking this blog for updates. Your patience has been rewarded.
So I completed a month at Einstein Hospital in the Bronx which was literally a drink from the fire hydrant that is obstetrics. I think I averaged five hours of sleep each night and often went a whole day having consumed only dry cereal, tea, lots of coffee, and ice cream. No wonder I was constipated. Anyway aside from the toll on my sanity and personal well-being, I also got to do some pretty exciting stuff. By the end of the rotation I was delivering babies entirely on my own with the attending watching over my shoulder. It was an odd experience the first time I delivered a baby without anyone else's hands guiding mine - it was bizarre that I knew what to do without even really thinking about it. This culminated in a precipitous delivery which I ended up doing with only a nurse and a third year medical student to assist me. That was kind of a trip. Terrifying and thrilling at the same time. I rode on that adrenaline buzz for at least 48 hours after the fact.
Now I'm beginning a month at Beth Israel Medical Center in downtown Manhattan which is going to be a very different experience. The ob/gyn service isn't quite as chaotic for one, since women in Manhattan have a range of excellent hospitals at which to receive their care, whereas Einstein-Montefiore is really the best place in the Bronx to give birth, hence EVERY SINGLE PREGNANT WOMAN was there. Also, the residents are much more chill and not as tweaked out as the Einstein residents are. Don't get me wrong - I had a blast with the folks I worked with last month, and even made friends with one or two of them outside of work. But when I think about how I want to spend four years of my life in a rigorous training program, there are nuances which I have to consider.
New York City itself fits me like a glove. People here, contrary to popular belief, are not cranky and obnoxious. I have found New Yorkers to be content, down-to-earth people who don't put on airs and mire themselves in superficial bullshit. I also love the diversity of this place - I've never been someone who walks around feeling my "brown-ness" every second of every day, but when I'm put in a place with lots of other brown people, I feel myself becoming more relaxed and at ease involuntarily. All that being said, I will always be a Bostonian at heart. Go Sox.
In a lovely pause from the madness, I had the honor of reading a poem at Marisa and Ed's wedding in August. I chose my favorite love poem of all time, "Soneto XVII" by Pablo Neruda. The wedding was easily the most beautiful and enjoyable celebration I have ever attended and I am so lucky to know these two fabulous people and to be a part of their lives.
I am feeling quite burned out though. I will be glad when this rotation is over so that I can take a break from the intensity of impressing everyone and going the extra mile. As soon as I get home on October 20th, I plan on sleeping until my back aches from molding into the mattress. (But only after we celebrate Raju's 21st birthday, at long last.)
So I completed a month at Einstein Hospital in the Bronx which was literally a drink from the fire hydrant that is obstetrics. I think I averaged five hours of sleep each night and often went a whole day having consumed only dry cereal, tea, lots of coffee, and ice cream. No wonder I was constipated. Anyway aside from the toll on my sanity and personal well-being, I also got to do some pretty exciting stuff. By the end of the rotation I was delivering babies entirely on my own with the attending watching over my shoulder. It was an odd experience the first time I delivered a baby without anyone else's hands guiding mine - it was bizarre that I knew what to do without even really thinking about it. This culminated in a precipitous delivery which I ended up doing with only a nurse and a third year medical student to assist me. That was kind of a trip. Terrifying and thrilling at the same time. I rode on that adrenaline buzz for at least 48 hours after the fact.
Now I'm beginning a month at Beth Israel Medical Center in downtown Manhattan which is going to be a very different experience. The ob/gyn service isn't quite as chaotic for one, since women in Manhattan have a range of excellent hospitals at which to receive their care, whereas Einstein-Montefiore is really the best place in the Bronx to give birth, hence EVERY SINGLE PREGNANT WOMAN was there. Also, the residents are much more chill and not as tweaked out as the Einstein residents are. Don't get me wrong - I had a blast with the folks I worked with last month, and even made friends with one or two of them outside of work. But when I think about how I want to spend four years of my life in a rigorous training program, there are nuances which I have to consider.
New York City itself fits me like a glove. People here, contrary to popular belief, are not cranky and obnoxious. I have found New Yorkers to be content, down-to-earth people who don't put on airs and mire themselves in superficial bullshit. I also love the diversity of this place - I've never been someone who walks around feeling my "brown-ness" every second of every day, but when I'm put in a place with lots of other brown people, I feel myself becoming more relaxed and at ease involuntarily. All that being said, I will always be a Bostonian at heart. Go Sox.
In a lovely pause from the madness, I had the honor of reading a poem at Marisa and Ed's wedding in August. I chose my favorite love poem of all time, "Soneto XVII" by Pablo Neruda. The wedding was easily the most beautiful and enjoyable celebration I have ever attended and I am so lucky to know these two fabulous people and to be a part of their lives.
I am feeling quite burned out though. I will be glad when this rotation is over so that I can take a break from the intensity of impressing everyone and going the extra mile. As soon as I get home on October 20th, I plan on sleeping until my back aches from molding into the mattress. (But only after we celebrate Raju's 21st birthday, at long last.)
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