It's going to be a good year

Today I am officially 26 years old so I would like to take this opportunity to reflect a bit, and share my thoughts about the next 12 months which will be a time of tremendous transition and discovery.

For the longest time, I had this idea, this vision, that my life would become complete by the time I graduated from medical school. I used to think that turning 25 would be like flipping a switch and all my dreams and goals would fall into place. By the time I started medical school, I was doggedly set on this notion, fully convinced that it was the best path for me, indeed, the path for which I was destined. In this spirit, I threw myself into a relationship with someone who was far from the ideal life partner I was certain he was meant to be. I told myself that if he wasn't "the one," then my perfect little plan would start crumbling. So I stuck it out for as long as I could - until our jokes about living together and getting married started to become less jocular and more serious. I realized at that point that if I was to adhere to my lifelong imagined future, then clearly I should marry this person. I also realized that if I did marry him, I was certain to be miserable and unfulfilled for the rest of my life. And that had not figured into my idealistic plan.

So, at the tender age of 23, I overhauled my entire approach to my future, my plans, my goals. To myself. It became clear to me that 25 was no magic number. Looking around me, I saw people my age who, like me, were making major life decisions on the basis of fear, uncertainty, and insecurity. I vowed that I would not let myself fall victim to the lure of the path of least resistance. Armed with this new resolution and self-assurance, I did something that the "old me" wouldn't have even considered doing. I took a year off after my third year of medical school. Since I had become more attuned to my innermost yearnings, I knew that I was not ready to graduate and start an internship in 2007. The very thought of it filled me with fear and anxiety, not excitement and anticipation. This major deviation from the beaten path was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Over the course of my year off, I was able to examine my past, present, and future without the external pressures of school and my peers. I was also able to reaffirm all the reasons I went to medical school in the first place. I attended weddings of fellow classmates with nothing but peace in my heart, whereas the "old me" would have felt sadness and a sense of failure that I was not having a wedding of my own.

I am now 11 months away from becoming a physician. When I ponder that fact, I am still plagued with fear and anxiety. But those feelings give way to a greater sense of anticipation and fulfillment that I have come so far and am truly ready to take this next step in my career. As for my personal life, I have never felt more content and enriched by my relationships with my family and dearest friends. I feel complete at this moment, not because of any outward symbols of success, such as a graduate degree and a husband, but because I have decided to feel complete with what I have, since what I have is priceless. I don't know where I will go after graduation, or who I will meet, or what direction my career will take. But I know that, no matter what, I will be true to myself, so I have nothing to fear.